So yesterday was an interesting day. I could swear that today was Saturday just now too....wow. I need to get some sleep. But I must share with the world this hilarious story before I get too lethargic and stop functioning.
I think that lastnight had to be the funniest night in our living room. George came home from work and immediately started drinking. I came home from the park with Lola to find a happy little Georgie in the kitchen.
So after many drunken stories and a little crying and laughing George decides honestly, I have got to say there is never a dull moment in my house with George, Corey and alcohol. My life is a circus at every second of the day.
Anyhow, Georgie decided he was gonna go to the "casino" with his other Armenian buddy. A few hours later after Seabiscuit came home and we were sitting on the counch George came stumbling in the door. The next thing I know he is dry humping Corey on the couch and trying to grab Corey's nipples. Haha and George has the best laugh when he is drinking. No lie, he snorts like a little pig. It has got to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. He says its because one of his nostrols is messed up but I think it is just because he is a dork at heart.
After all the air-humping occurred George starts talking about how he met this beautiful girl and low and behold....wait for it....of course she is a stripper. So I said, "So she must really dig those holes in your pants then." Then we got in the debate about what kind of jeans he was wearing and of course, because he is a Jersey boy he is wearing Armani Exchange. But that isn't the best part of his jeans you see. He actually had this thumb sized hole to the right of his crotch. So I mentioned the hole duh! So in his drunken state George looks at Corey and says, "It's for easy access, just put your finger in the hole and go to the left and just touch the tip."
Really????
It was acutally to the right but whatever.
The End.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
50 cents for a to-go box what?!?!
It was a slow day in the kitchen except for when Chef Z decided he was gonna blame me for his horrific singing ability. Really?
So when we were getting ready to box our massive meals up and leave, Travis and his cheap ass...well, I didn't think he was a cheap ass until I finally understand why I would have been a little more bent about my to-go box. He ended up dropping one on the floor and the girl grabbed us a new one. It wasn't until that moment when I heard the dumbest thing ever in my entire life of eating at restaurants.
Kat and Travis asked for to-go boxes too and the girl said, "Sure not a problem. That will be 50 cents a piece." She had this serious face of conviction on. I heard George say exactly what I was thinking... "Is she joking?" They charge you for the dumbest thing on the planet.
Then she said, "Since it's your first time here I will let you have them for free but now you know we charge 50 cents for them."
Are you joking me?!?! That is like telling someone that they have to pay to puke in your bathroom even if they have eaten at your restaurant and the badness decided it wanted out that second. So George decided he wanted to ask why...I wanted to know too honestly I was floored.
But somehow this started into an argument at out table and well let's just say that I no longer agree with the way some people handle things amongst our friends. I believe in healthy arguing but not being a jackass and saying things that make someone feel inferior. Really? I wanted to tell this person to eat a dick today but whatever. Sometimes there comes a time when someone believes in something so much that they are passionate enough to ask why and they should be able to do so without conviction.
So George decided as we were leaving he was going to stop and ask the owner why...and come to find out the owner actually had a serious problem with his food cost because people are people and don't know that you cannot just pile your bowl tall enough to feed a family of ten and expect to not have to pay for your waste. So in closing after George explained to him how to properly price his food according to AP state; he was offered a job.
The actual funny part of this story is this..... GEORGE DIDN'T EVEN EAT THERE! He just sat there and enjoyed or at least tried to enjoy the company of his friends.
HAHA!!!! GEORGE DIDN'T EVEN EAT THERE AND HE COMPLAINED!!!!! CLASSIC!
The end.
Oh and instead of punch-dub it is now punch-short-bus. I mean that...so whenever you see the short-bus punch the shit out of your friend...it is gonna be an epic new game that was started in a test kitchen in Scottsdale on April 21, 2010. Take note of that.
After school today we all decided that we were going to go to YC's for lunch. Mongolian bar-b-que....uh yes please. Plus it is awesome that the cost of this meal of yummy yummy sauce and deliciousness is the right price for the speed of a college student's shallow pockets. And let me tell you it was muy bueno!
After school today we all decided that we were going to go to YC's for lunch. Mongolian bar-b-que....uh yes please. Plus it is awesome that the cost of this meal of yummy yummy sauce and deliciousness is the right price for the speed of a college student's shallow pockets. And let me tell you it was muy bueno!
So when we were getting ready to box our massive meals up and leave, Travis and his cheap ass...well, I didn't think he was a cheap ass until I finally understand why I would have been a little more bent about my to-go box. He ended up dropping one on the floor and the girl grabbed us a new one. It wasn't until that moment when I heard the dumbest thing ever in my entire life of eating at restaurants.
Kat and Travis asked for to-go boxes too and the girl said, "Sure not a problem. That will be 50 cents a piece." She had this serious face of conviction on. I heard George say exactly what I was thinking... "Is she joking?" They charge you for the dumbest thing on the planet.
Then she said, "Since it's your first time here I will let you have them for free but now you know we charge 50 cents for them."
Are you joking me?!?! That is like telling someone that they have to pay to puke in your bathroom even if they have eaten at your restaurant and the badness decided it wanted out that second. So George decided he wanted to ask why...I wanted to know too honestly I was floored.
But somehow this started into an argument at out table and well let's just say that I no longer agree with the way some people handle things amongst our friends. I believe in healthy arguing but not being a jackass and saying things that make someone feel inferior. Really? I wanted to tell this person to eat a dick today but whatever. Sometimes there comes a time when someone believes in something so much that they are passionate enough to ask why and they should be able to do so without conviction.
So George decided as we were leaving he was going to stop and ask the owner why...and come to find out the owner actually had a serious problem with his food cost because people are people and don't know that you cannot just pile your bowl tall enough to feed a family of ten and expect to not have to pay for your waste. So in closing after George explained to him how to properly price his food according to AP state; he was offered a job.
The actual funny part of this story is this..... GEORGE DIDN'T EVEN EAT THERE! He just sat there and enjoyed or at least tried to enjoy the company of his friends.
HAHA!!!! GEORGE DIDN'T EVEN EAT THERE AND HE COMPLAINED!!!!! CLASSIC!
The end.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Superstar!!! Or maybe the Jackson 6?
So...today I made Eggs Benedict. Which for those of you who have not tried this concoction of deliciousness are insane.
I finally learned today that I am definitely not a super-hero in the kitchen yet. I mean come the freak on! I broke my Hollandaise four freaking times! Blah! So my day was anything but normal I will have to say.
But...just to change it up a bit I feel like talking about something that happens on a daily. I mean seriously, I promised that it would be entertaining and oh yes. It shall be so.
My title really says it all...have you seen that movie? I, under normal circumstances would say that I haven't because I am literally movie handicapped. Well, I pretend like I am because I have seen a lot of movies but cannot for the life of me remember the titles because I have a mind of a goldfish. Anyhow, my group of friends at school or as I prefer to say my family at school should really change our name to the Jackson 6.
Every day we have to sing at some point while we are at school. Which to clarify it starts with either myself or Travis a.k.a. Nips. We just start singing some kind of crazy while we are cooking and it usually trickles off into a bunch of people adding in their two cents.
Although I think that we hit an all time high when we decided to make a game out of trying to get our Chef Instructors to participate in the musical that we call our life.
The way I remember it starting is Chef Becker saying to someone in the class, "Put your apron on when you are in my house!" I figure if I am paying $40k to get an education in that place that it is my house too dammit!
So I start singing...."Our house is a very, very, very fine house!" And holy bananas if Chef Becker couldn't have been right in tune with me...hahahaha! He sings "With two cats in the yard, our life used to be so hard!" OHMYGOD! Hilarious!
Keeping in mind that Chef Becker is quite a bit older than we are just was priceless! So now I have officially decided since there are six of us in our group maybe Chef Becker can be our head man? Haha. SUPERSTAR!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, if you haven't tried that with one of your professors or even your boss...you should.
My joke of the week about eggs, I told this to Chef Z and he almost died.
The answer to which came first....the chicken or the egg?
So a chicken and an egg were laying in bed after some mattress mambo.
The chicken rolls over and starts smoking a cigarette.
The egg looks at the chicken with a glare and says: "I guess we all know the answer to that question."
The End.
I finally learned today that I am definitely not a super-hero in the kitchen yet. I mean come the freak on! I broke my Hollandaise four freaking times! Blah! So my day was anything but normal I will have to say.
But...just to change it up a bit I feel like talking about something that happens on a daily. I mean seriously, I promised that it would be entertaining and oh yes. It shall be so.
My title really says it all...have you seen that movie? I, under normal circumstances would say that I haven't because I am literally movie handicapped. Well, I pretend like I am because I have seen a lot of movies but cannot for the life of me remember the titles because I have a mind of a goldfish. Anyhow, my group of friends at school or as I prefer to say my family at school should really change our name to the Jackson 6.
Every day we have to sing at some point while we are at school. Which to clarify it starts with either myself or Travis a.k.a. Nips. We just start singing some kind of crazy while we are cooking and it usually trickles off into a bunch of people adding in their two cents.
Although I think that we hit an all time high when we decided to make a game out of trying to get our Chef Instructors to participate in the musical that we call our life.
The way I remember it starting is Chef Becker saying to someone in the class, "Put your apron on when you are in my house!" I figure if I am paying $40k to get an education in that place that it is my house too dammit!
So I start singing...."Our house is a very, very, very fine house!" And holy bananas if Chef Becker couldn't have been right in tune with me...hahahaha! He sings "With two cats in the yard, our life used to be so hard!" OHMYGOD! Hilarious!
Keeping in mind that Chef Becker is quite a bit older than we are just was priceless! So now I have officially decided since there are six of us in our group maybe Chef Becker can be our head man? Haha. SUPERSTAR!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, if you haven't tried that with one of your professors or even your boss...you should.
My joke of the week about eggs, I told this to Chef Z and he almost died.
The answer to which came first....the chicken or the egg?
So a chicken and an egg were laying in bed after some mattress mambo.
The chicken rolls over and starts smoking a cigarette.
The egg looks at the chicken with a glare and says: "I guess we all know the answer to that question."
The End.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Oh Travis...
My bestie at school is a strapping young fellow that we call Travis. Or as my boyfriend lovingly calls him, Nips.
Now that you know Travis' nickname I must tell you the story behind this name. You see ladies and gents, Travis is "always happy to see you." And so are his nipples. They stand at attention no matter how chilly it is or isn't outside.
As I write this I have to tell you the short about how we met actually. The way we met set the course on how this beautiful friendship we have will forever be. We were at orientation at school and he was standing in line behind my spooky self. Yes, I was spooked about going to college...again. He says from behind me: "So Rachel, are you excited?" I politely said something to the effect of "How the eff do you know my name creeper?" It's on your name tag girl sh!t. Duh!
Anyhow, back to the story of the "Nips" name. So after making a large deal about how hot his nipples are when they say hi to everyone they come into contact with Corey decided it would be hilarious to talk about them...all the time. This is forever the on going lovers joke that my boyfriend and his boyfriend will have everyday for the rest of my awesome life.
So the day after this outrageous conversation takes place we are all in the kitchen at school. Corey is cooling off the new chicken stock we made that morning and as Travis walked by he leaned in close to Corey and whispers: "Would you like me to take the temperature of your stock with my nipples?" Insert laughter here.
I will write more about this amazing character "Nips" but for now I must give it a rest because I may die of a heart attack while writing do to excessive laughter.
And that ladies and gents is the story of my brother from another mother. Literally.
Now that you know Travis' nickname I must tell you the story behind this name. You see ladies and gents, Travis is "always happy to see you." And so are his nipples. They stand at attention no matter how chilly it is or isn't outside.
As I write this I have to tell you the short about how we met actually. The way we met set the course on how this beautiful friendship we have will forever be. We were at orientation at school and he was standing in line behind my spooky self. Yes, I was spooked about going to college...again. He says from behind me: "So Rachel, are you excited?" I politely said something to the effect of "How the eff do you know my name creeper?" It's on your name tag girl sh!t. Duh!
Anyhow, back to the story of the "Nips" name. So after making a large deal about how hot his nipples are when they say hi to everyone they come into contact with Corey decided it would be hilarious to talk about them...all the time. This is forever the on going lovers joke that my boyfriend and his boyfriend will have everyday for the rest of my awesome life.
So the day after this outrageous conversation takes place we are all in the kitchen at school. Corey is cooling off the new chicken stock we made that morning and as Travis walked by he leaned in close to Corey and whispers: "Would you like me to take the temperature of your stock with my nipples?" Insert laughter here.
I will write more about this amazing character "Nips" but for now I must give it a rest because I may die of a heart attack while writing do to excessive laughter.
And that ladies and gents is the story of my brother from another mother. Literally.
My first blog!
Well, I actually used to blog a long time ago but they were my private rants and now I have decided to share them with the whole world! So surprise!!! Here I am!
My name is Rachel. I want my blog to be entertaining for the masses. I read blogs sometimes...and yes I am a lamer like that. As are you for reading this. So, I decided that I will blog my butt off when I have an entertaining day...so not everyday will be as awesome therefore, not worth sharing. Or as my boyfriend answers, "Nothing." Because he says that if it isn't entertaining in the sense it isn't worth speaking about.
I am a culinarian in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona. For those of you who don't know, it is wicked hot here. And no that never changes. Imagine how hot it gets in the kitchen and all the crazy stuff we talk about in class. In a sense my blog is going to be of epic proportions in hilariousness. (Spell check said that was a real word.)
I have a George. He is awesome! It is always a good time when he is around my boxer, Lola. I had no idea she was multilingual until he told her to sit, stay and shake in Armenian. Who knew?!?
I also live with my amazing boyfriend, Corey. He doesn't speak much until he starts drinking that is. Then Boston is all over this house! George and I are not from Boston but its still hilrious. He also has an amazing little girl, Danica. She is such a lover! I fell in love with her the instant that I met her.
I am not going to write too much about them as of now because I don't want to take up more than half of your day reading my garbage rants. I will settle for a quarter.
Well, for now this will have to suffice. I have some studying to do with slacker George who bitched out on school today and missed out on literally cooking about twelve different types of eggs. No, I am not exaggerating I really cooked enough eggs that I smell like a chicken's rear end.
My name is Rachel. I want my blog to be entertaining for the masses. I read blogs sometimes...and yes I am a lamer like that. As are you for reading this. So, I decided that I will blog my butt off when I have an entertaining day...so not everyday will be as awesome therefore, not worth sharing. Or as my boyfriend answers, "Nothing." Because he says that if it isn't entertaining in the sense it isn't worth speaking about.
I am a culinarian in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona. For those of you who don't know, it is wicked hot here. And no that never changes. Imagine how hot it gets in the kitchen and all the crazy stuff we talk about in class. In a sense my blog is going to be of epic proportions in hilariousness. (Spell check said that was a real word.)
I have a George. He is awesome! It is always a good time when he is around my boxer, Lola. I had no idea she was multilingual until he told her to sit, stay and shake in Armenian. Who knew?!?
I also live with my amazing boyfriend, Corey. He doesn't speak much until he starts drinking that is. Then Boston is all over this house! George and I are not from Boston but its still hilrious. He also has an amazing little girl, Danica. She is such a lover! I fell in love with her the instant that I met her.
I am not going to write too much about them as of now because I don't want to take up more than half of your day reading my garbage rants. I will settle for a quarter.
Well, for now this will have to suffice. I have some studying to do with slacker George who bitched out on school today and missed out on literally cooking about twelve different types of eggs. No, I am not exaggerating I really cooked enough eggs that I smell like a chicken's rear end.
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