What I have Learned...

Due to recent events.

I have learned that you never know what can happen in your life or your loved ones lives for that matter.

Over the past few weeks I have tried to look for the good in this tragedy that my family (I consider the Huysers my family as well because they have treated me as nothing less and I am truly lucky) has gone through. More importantly, I have tried to look for the good in what I have felt during these past few weeks.

I will tell you that as I write this I have learned a very powerful lesson in the past few weeks and it is something that I have read multiple times by a very bright, loving and beautiful young woman that I had the pleasure of meeting. That saying is this: "Although I have had a lot of shit happen in my life, I consider myself blessed to live the one I have." -Kelly Huyser

I have said and done some things that I am not proud of; as I am sure we all have. I think from now on I am going to be a different person and I am going to make sure that I never have to ever worry about anything that anyone ever thinks of me any longer because I have lots of regrets on different aspects of my being and the way that I had chosen to leave things with some of the people that I love the most in my life. I have learned that no matter what is said or felt about someone that you love; you better make damn sure that they still know how much you love them before you part ways because the truth is you can never be sure when you are ever going to see or speak to that person ever again.

In my case, I heard her voice at 11:00 AM on November 28, 2011 and I will never be able to hear her voice ever again. And sadly, I heard it in the background of a different conversation with my dad who I have been trying desperately to put things behind us that have caused us to drift from one another over the last 11 years. I will never get to change the way that I left things with her. But I tell her out loud all the time how much I love her and I am hoping that she forgives me because I am having a hard time living a life where all I can think about is how we left things with one another. I hope she can hear me in heaven. From what I understand only the best ones get to hang out up there and I know that she is hanging out in the clouds.

She always said, "Have no regrets." I wish I would have listened to her because I would have just let this whole thing go and said whatever I could have to make it better rather than sticking to my stubborn self. It doesn't matter who was wrong or who was right at this point in time. But I will tell you this...If I could go back and say I am sorry for everything and call it water under the bridge I would. But I can't. However while in Tucson I did have a special person, who will remain nameless, tell me that he was approached by "The oldest of 3" and that one has said, "You have something 'heavy' on your mind and to let it go because if you don't it will destroy you." Some of you might think that sounds crazy but to me I am relieved.

I had forgotten that one of the things that I told her the most was how much I loved her. I know that she knows that now. It makes me feel much better that I was told that by what I would consider complete stranger who had no idea what I was doing in Tucson.

Since I have been in Arkansas I have really mellowed out a lot. I have learned that there is no reason to get mad about things that are out of your control or that don't matter. I have learned that you better be as nice as you can while you can because the last thing that you want people to remember is that you were an asshole. I was one for a long time to a lot of people. Some of you reading this may disagree and well, some of you may agree.

But I know that I have changed. Some people tell me that they can see that and others will continue to beat me up for things that I have done in the past. For those people who will continue to do so, I don't really have the want to try to change your mind about me because well, I can't. I will learn to let go of the things that I can't control.

I will no longer be that girl that just waits for things to get to the point where they are unfixable; if they need fixing I want to do it right away. I will also no longer allow the people in my life that bring me down the most by smashing my dreams to do so anymore. I am moving on with my life with my "chin up" like many of you have told me to do. So in the words of my dad: "I will because I can. And there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop me."

So my point is... I have learned life is too precious. Take your life and run...because if you don't then you will not have truly lived. I am blessed to have a family that loves me. I am blessed that I have loved, I am an Aunt, I have a dog that I consider my child, I have seen some of the most amazing things on this planet, I have a great career and a bright future, I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for even though we are all far apart I know now more than ever they are going to be there for me when I fall on my face, I have time ahead of me, but most of all I am blessed enough to have met some of the most extraordinary people anyone could ever be lucky enough to have encountered and I will hold them near and dear to my heart forever and ever.

"Life is too precious to worry about the stupid shit.
So have fun, get drunk and fall in love <3, Say what you want to say, Do what you want to do, Regret nothing, Don't let people who don't matter bring you down." -Kelly Huyser 06/18/1988 - 11/28/11

You were so right baby girl. I love you. You're a butterfly and butterflies are free to fly...fly away...high away...bye bye.

The end.

Job. Who Needs One Of Those?

I was taking a look at all of my friends on facebook and I will tell you that there is a trend amongst where some of my friends have lived and definitely where they went to school.

Some of us are just getting settled into our new careers and trying to get to where we are finally going to be comfortable. Which is the category I fall into. It definitely has been a struggle but I am going to be a top ranking executive in a large marketing company. Well, I already am there. :) I just happen to be part of an exciting time of a growing company. I am so glad that they found me.

Some of us are well nested in our careers and have families and houses and wow, a lot going on. Now this includes my friends that are stay at home mom's because we all know that being a stay at home mom is a full time and a half gig. I give kudos to those ladies they work it out all the time.

Some of us are job bouncers. Which isn't a bad thing..I used to be one of those and I am so glad I figured it out because I couldn't imagine not having a job right now. I would be super scared.

Some of us are just starting new "jobs" and hoping that the best thing in the world comes along and sweeps us off our feet. They will continue to dream instead of doing something about it.

Others are starting a career that will take them years and years to build and are working like crazy to get those years behind them. All of my friends that are Chefs...hang in there. It will happen.

A lot of my friends are still in school earning a Masters, PhD or just their first chance at being able to gain their Bachelors. To those who are doing this I say good for you! All that hard work is supposed to pay off and for your sake I hope and pray that it opens doors for you that are beyond your wildest dreams.

But the ones that really get me. I mean the ones who are always asking someone for a job when they have no business asking... you know the ones who are always looking for a hand out. You know the ones who are always couch surfing with no ambition to get up and do something about their life. They are the ones who will always be that way and although we love them to pieces we know the situations they put themselves in will never really change until they want it to.

So my point is...all these people that I mention come from different areas. But in those areas show the same trends. There are a few that are the exception but most hold true.

I wonder if the area and schooling of when we grew up has anything to do with how we carry ourselves as adult. I know my life has been a struggle but it is finally getting on track. Maybe that is because of the way I was brought up as a child? I will never know. All I know is now I want my life to be breezy and I am working hard to make it that way. Because struggling...as my Grandma Donner would have said, is for the birds. And I think she is right. So I am now working hard to make sure that my struggling days are numbered.

There really was no rhyme or reason to this rant. Just an observation. For most life is good...and really I wish that upon all of my friends. Life needs to be good in order for us to survive it completely. But it doesn't happen over night.

So in closing. I cannot say more than...I love my job and cannot wait to see where it takes me.


The end.

A Picture Is Worth....

In this case a thousand or more words. I really do have one of the most well behaved animals I know. She is so awesome that she literally walked around looking like Antionne Dodson last night for Halloween. People were stopping to take pictures of her and take pictures with her. Hilarious! Anyhow, here is a picture of her in full get up.

Now here is a picture of that fool Antionne.

I dunno dude, they look pretty close but you be the judge of that.

Picture This. FAIL!

So, I thought that I was going to be cool and insert a picture a day on my blog. HAHAHAHA! Who the hell was I kidding? I don't really have time to be doing anything crazy like that but I will however say this. I always capture some amazing photos with my cool phone...which btw isn't cool anymore. I now want the new droid Bionic. Someone I know got one and I am completely jealous. I WANT IT!

Anyhow, I digressed. So from now on I am going to go back to my usual rants and try not to kid myself or you for that matter any longer. I never finish anything that I say I am going to do for myself so why start now? But as I mentioned earlier I will definitely share the funny pictures that I capture on my phone or awesome pictures or even pictures that you may have to turn your head to understand what the hell you are looking at.

Like this one for example:

Or this:

Or this:

So, now onto a new topic. I...did I mention that I am literally the Bionic woman? I mean seriously, I work two big deal jobs and I make it look like a piece of cake most of the time. I am a Direct of Business Advisory Services for one company and a Director of Local Marketing for another...but the title for that one is more fun. I am the "Local Genius" yes that's right. I am a Local Genius. Who freaking knew that little old me would be referred to as a Genius one day. Hopefully no one figures me out truly or I am in deep crap. Just kidding. I really am a genius.

Well the reason I brought this up is that my sweets and I got into a pretty serious argument about it. He seems to think that I work way too much. Which after reading what I wrote about not being able to keep up with something as simple as Picture a Day. He might be right. But unfortunately I love my job. Now keeping in mind serious to me is any type of arguing because I don't like to argue anymore..been there done that I am over arguing.

Right now I don't have anything else but my career. No husband or kids. Just a dog and a career that is taking off in leaps and bounds. I am proud of where my career is and well, I can't be happier with my jobs. I mean who else gets to sit at home and work their butts off in their pajamas all day? Not many. He has to wear a shirt and a tie everyday. I say forget that. I like my sweats and being able to see my dog all day. Right now she is what is most important in my life. If I can provide a great home for her then that is all that matters.


So here is to working in my PJs and drinking cherry kool-aid while I work all day and sometimes night.


The end.

Catching up on Picture This...

Because I totally suck at keeping up with things like this I have decided that sometimes I am going to play catch up. Plus I have a few good pictures to post up.

So here goes...

This first picture was of Iyla making funny faces at me through the window while I was outside. She has been seriously attached to me these last few days. I think it is because she thinks I am moving away a lot sooner than I will be. I am not moving to Vegas until next year but she asks about it all the time. It breaks my heart because I wish I could stay with her all the time but Auntie needs to get on with her own life too. Anyhow, this picture made me laugh.

And so did this one...

This next picture is of my walk with Lola down at the River Market. It was of the "Big Damn Bridge." Yes, that is really what they call it here.

This is one of the best pictures I have ever taken of Lola...of course I had to edit it a little and the fact that she has her big pink tongue sticking out isn't awesome but she is my big sweetie.

This picture is of Lola at the dog park. Her favorite thing to do is stand in the pool and face surf. But there wasn't a whole lot of water in it so she just looks a little ridiculous.

This last one is of one of my favorite places here in Little Rock. It is a bar called Willy D's. It's a piano bar. Sorry that the picture is a little blurry...I was a little drunk by the time I realized I hadn't take a picture for the photo of the day yet.

Now I am officially caught up...starting tomorrow I will get back on track with my photo of the day.

A Tiny View of DT LR

This picture was taken on the balcony of the Couch Ninja's apartment. He lives in downtown Little Rock at the River Market.

Now this picture explains why he is called the Couch Ninja. I walked into his apartment tonight and this is what I saw... I mean, I knew he was looking to change his living room set but really? He told me that he was going to put the new leather sofa on cinder blocks and create stadium seating. I know men have simple minds but his seems to work really hard when it comes to watching Michigan Football. Whatever.

And this one is self explanatory on why I love it so much. This was also taken off of his balcony.

Daily Photo

So my niece has this mild obsession with taking pictures of herself. Very vein. I have no idea where she gets it from... oh wait. Probably from me and my sister. Haha. Tonight I was working on something in my room and she decided she was going to come in my room and see what was going on. Usually I will show her something cool on my computer and she will go and play. But tonight I decided to show her my cam on my computer.... and this is what picture we got. Actually it was more like a few so here they are... Oh and Don King called. He wants his hair back.

The New Generation.

Now let me first start by saying this....I am not the most patriotic person out there. I mean, I don't wear red every Friday like I should or anything like that but I do have respect for our country as my dad raised me to have.

Also, I live on an Air Force Base for those of you who do not know that and I will say for the most part, I see a lot of patriotic things going on here.

I pick my niece up from school each day. Sometimes, I get a little crazy and decide that I am going to get there early so that I can get my niece a little faster than having to wait in line for an hour while the morons who run the picking up system at her school figure out what the hell they are doing. Ok, getting off track. As I am waiting if I am lucky enough I get to watch four students take down the Arkansas flag and the Old Glory. They usually fold them up properly and walk them inside. But not today.

So there is a teacher and four new students doing the task this afternoon. So the first two boys take down the Arkansas flag and start folding it on the sidewalk away from the flag pole. They are being really careful and respectful and it is kind of fun to watch these kids. The second two boys that are handling the American flag... not so much. Now one important detail, I was actually talking with my operations manager on the phone while all of this was happening and deviated from our conversation about my incompetence when logging into a very important tool we use on a daily basis.

Anyhow, I am watching these other two boys handle the American flag and they proceed to drag it on the ground. Then one boy thought it would be funny to swing the flag over his head like a helicopter. I am shocked at this. So as I am talking to my operations manager I get side tracked and start watching these boys. Then I hear a horn honk and the look and start to play with the flag again while parents are watching and the teach is watching too! Then thankfully another parent in uniform goes, "HEY, STOP THAT!"

Thank goodness for him. You know, as I get older I start to realize something very, very real and sad at the same time. Some people in this country still do not instill in their children that we are Americans. We are strong! We are proud! Mostly, we are supposed to respect the country that we live in. I never thought I would see this type of behavior from a child that is being raised in a military family but I did and it makes me sad.

There are parents out there who say there is nothing more that they can do but the truth is that children learn from parents. It starts at the parents. So really I can say this. My dad and my mom did a great job of raising me to have respect for our country. I never in a million years would ever have done those things to the American flag and not got my ass whipped.

The end.

Picture This.

I have decided that I am going to post a daily picture everyday for an entire year starting today. It might be boring like a picture of a shoe or a picture of my dog. But it will be a picture with an explanation of what the heck you might be looking at because I am sure there will be some questionable things that I might snap on my 8.0 Mega Pixel HD camera phone. (Yes Apple, you are behind the times get over yourself. This phone has been the shiz for more than a year which is like a decade in smart phone time.)

So sometimes I might get a little feisty and post more than one picture.... you never know what amazingness I might just have to snap a photo of and share it with the five people who actually read my blog.

This first picture is going to be pretty simplistic because I thought of this while I was laying in bed and thinking about how many mobile uploads I actually have on my FaceBook.

Now, I can't promise that every picture is going to be amazing but I can promise that there will be one. Everyday.

This first one is of my favorite things that I own out of all of my clothing items. Scarfs and these are only a few of the ones that I own. So for those of you who do not know what to get me as a gift ever...when all else fails get me or make me a scarf. I love them. I even geeked out and got a Google Scarf.

We Aren't Super Heroes.

I learned the other day that someone that I knew in Middle School passed away. She left behind two children that she just gained custody of and was "finally, moving on" with her life.

It was a real shame at what she left behind. It really is. But when you learn how she passed it makes you feel even worse. Now, obviously I don't know any details of her life. Honestly, I knew her and we used to be great friends when we were children but I cannot say that I knew her enough to write a eulogy about her like many people that I went to middle school with, whom felt the need to do on their facebook. Honestly, I am not sure they kept in touch with her often enough in our adult life to be able to say those things about her either but, whatever.

But what I can say is this. I remember when we were kids we all dreamt of what we were going to be when we grow up.

We all dreamt of being super heroes when we were kids and then we grow up. We all realize that life will throw you curve balls and it is your job to take the wisdom that is instilled in you from your parents and dodge those curve balls the best that you can. Some of us get thrown curve balls that get the best of us and we fall victim to the mess it creates. Some of us are awesome at dodging those curve balls and have turned out to be amazing adults. Some of us are late bloomers in life and we went through a phase where it seemed like it was us against the world. Some of us have children of our own that we chose to instill the same values of wisdom that we knew in order to guide them to the right decision when faced with these curve balls. Remember, we aren't all super heroes we are just a bunch of kids trying to make it in this world.

September 25, 2011 will forever be a sad day in some people's eyes. But try not to be a bigger person than you really were to her and write how much you loved her. Because we all know that you never actually spoke to her in your adult life other than keeping in touch on your facebook. If you really were someone who loved her then she would have known it before she passed.

If you don't like this then that is fine. I am just calling you out. Afterall, we aren't super heroes. We can't be there all the time. Just try not to make it sound like you guys were the best of friends because well... you weren't.

The end.

Wined & Dined... Literally.

Let me tell you first off that I obviously am one of the biggest foodies that you will ever meet. I love food to its core especially great food. When I say that I have really eaten some of the most amazing things you can imagine you had better believe me when I say that.

I am one that will eat anything once just to say that I have tried it. I will never say that I don't like something without trying at least a "big girl" bite. I can thank my parents for that. Especially my dad. He has always told me that you cannot like something that you haven't tried.

Another thing that I must say is that aside from great food I enjoy going to a restaurant and receiving the best service that I have ever had in my entire life. I want to feel like there is no one else in a crowded restaurant but me. Tonight, I can confidently say that I experienced both.

This ladies and gentlemen is a story of how one of my favorite restaurants will continue to be my favorite restaurant until the end of time. Even after they broke my heart...they literally did everything they could to piece it back together again.




In fact, this is the compliment that I submitted to the corporate office for the restaurant word for word:

I love Bravo! I ate at the location in Scottsdale many times while I lived there. But I must say that I have never in my entire life been treated the way that I was treated at the location in Little Rock. You really have some of the most amazing and I mean, amazing, management on staff there. I could not be more pleased at the service that I received at this particular restaurant tonight. The manager that I will say that you all are extraordinarily lucky to have working for you is Michael Koester.

I had a not so good experience at this location a few weeks ago when I was with a party of about 35 people. Coming from a family that owned a restaurant I can say that I know it was not exactly an easy task to take care of a table of 35.

Michael was determined to make things right with my sister and myself. Which tonight really left a huge impression on us. He made us feel like there was no one else in that crowded restaurant on a wait except for us. This all came with the help of one of the most amazing servers I have ever encountered in all the times I have eaten at any restaurant. His name is Chirone and should be truly treasured.

My sister and I are both very open minded individuals that seem to have the worst luck when we go out to eat anywhere. I am tickled to know that all it takes is for one person to care enough to want to break that cycle with us and it was Michael. For what my opinion is worth, I will say that Michael is truly a powerful asset to your restaurants. You should do everything you can to hold on to him.

I am so grateful that I had the pleasure of eating in his (Michael's) restaurant. I look forward to many more visits to see Michael and Chirone in the future.

So really what ended up happening is that we were treated as VIP's all night and it was by far the best experience I have ever had in my life. I kept the receipt because the discount they used was called the VIP Lifetime. I am not sure what that means but I will tell you that it means that my meal was taken care of completely. Even my wine.

So Michael definitely wined and dined me... literally. And I am glad because he has definitely won this girl's heart.


The end.

At What Point Are We Wrong?

You know, there comes a time in everyone's life where they get hurt. I mean really, really hurt. As human beings it is definitely natural to want to hurt the other person back. I heard this line in a movie once, "I am proud of you for standing up for yourself....I know my moral compass doesn't always point due north. But if this was the right thing to do wouldn't you feel better about it right now?"

We all grow up with our teachers and priests and parents telling us that "Two wrongs do not make a right."

I personally have destroyed friendships and have had my friendship violated. I have seen this happen to many people throughout my life, granted my life is only a span of 27 years but I have seen plenty and I am sure I will see plenty more. But one thing that I will say is, at one point or another I ask myself if I feel better or worse without that person's forgiveness. I am not saying that we all need to forgive and forget but I am saying we all need to put things behind us sometimes and move on. Some people will recover and some will not. We cannot allow the hurt that we have encountered define us.

Whether we like it or not, even though that moment in time we are feeling hurt, life goes on. Eventually we will recover and live life to its fullest without seeking vengeance on the other person. It hurts my heart to think about the worst thing that I have ever done to one single person. Truthfully in hindsight after living life a little bit longer I have come to find that what I did was nothing compared to some people. But at what point are we wrong as human beings really? I mean, I have said some hurtful things and I consider myself wrong all the time.

Next time you seek revenge on another person regardless of how hurt you are ask yourself that. At what point are we wrong?

Let the other person hurt and then comfort them for being hurt the best you can. Retaliation is normal human reaction. Just make sure that you truly feel better after you are finished with whatever you have done. Most who seek refuge will not feel better. Most will still be just as hurt as they were if not worse.

I always say Karma is a constant turning wheel. Think about the next time it lands on you. What do you want your fate to be?

Negative Nancy

This morning when I jumped onto my favorite website... facebook duh! I started reading my news feed and then I came to one post in particular. This person was talking about how someone just told them how much of a miserable person they were and they were a buzz kill to be around but then told them they still loved them. Then they said something like, WTF?

Then I got curious and I want to be McGruff the crime dog and investigate. So I looked at this persons facebook page and started reading what seemed like an endless amount of negative status updates. I mean there was not one single good status update that I read on the first second or third page.

Not that it is any of my business but seriously, if you would just take some time to stop bitching about every little bad thing that happens to you people would actually care. Also when I was reading these updates I saw that no one was commenting on them. NO ONE.

Secondly, at least that person had the balls to tell you to your face that they think you are negative. Sometimes the truth hurts and it really hurts when it comes from people that genuinely love and care for you. My sister says I am the most negative person and you know what... she might be right but I beg to differ sometimes. I personally think I am more of a realist a lot of the time but what the hell do I know? I am not sitting back and watching myself. Maybe she is right? So chances are she is probably seeing something that I am failing to see all together.

My advice is that you should listen to this person who said this to you because maybe they care enough to want to get you to see that you might just be in a funk and they want what is best for you... your happiness. Who knows, maybe if you would stop being such a negative Nancy people would actually want to care about what was going on in your life and stop telling you that you are a miserable person.



Just sayin.


The end.

OMG! It's Smoking!

Tonight we went on an adults only family date. Or should I say that I crashed Jamie and Lucas' date. We were going to eat dinner and go to a movie.

Sounds normal right? Yeah, no.

We decided that we were going to eat at Chili's no wait, chinese, no wait Five Guys, no even better we ended up at Hooter's. Classy! Well, it has been raining here all day and by the time we got done eating crappy food and served by a waitress that hated us. We go to leave and it is pouring down rain.

Jamie and I decide that we want Lucas to go get the car and we will just jump in. Well, since Lucas is a clown at heart he thought it would be funny to honk the horn at us as we are getting in the car.

Big mistake. The horn actually gets stuck and is going at full blast in front of Hooter's. I mean it was just like the part in Little Miss Sunshine when the horn gets stuck on the VW bus. Literally we are sitting there and the horn won't shut off. So Lucas decides to shut the car off thinking that the horn would turn off if the key was not in the ignition. Wrong! It is still going.

Bright idea number two is for Lucas to start hitting the steering wheel as hard as he can to see if he can get the horn to stop. No. Still blasting. So he decides to move the car before someone calls the police.

Good idea. So now he looks down at the steering wheel and smoke is coming out. Then next thing that is said, "Oh my god, it's smoking!" At this point I am looking and getting scared because this car could catch on fire!

Bright idea number three... Lucas attempts to peel back the rubber/plastic that covers the horn mechanism. Not happening.

Finally... the horn shorts itself out because it is pouring rain and it comes to a slow and painful death. Literally this thing sounded like the wind down of a cartoon.

Moral of the story. It isn't funny to honk the horn in the rain of a Saturn Vue. It might just start smoking.


The end.

Volkswagens Every Where!!!

So since I have been actively looking for a new vehicle in the past few weeks I have come to the conclusion that this time around since there is no real hurry I am going to wait it out and get the car that I really want.

I have decided that I wish to own nothing but a Volkswagen. We are all know that I love VW enough where I will definitely be able to do this but the anticipation is going to be what kills me. I cannot wait to one day just come across the car that I want for sale at the right price and say to myself... "There she is. My dream gal." (Meaning the car of course...no girl on girl for this girl.)

This is one of the very reasons that I am obsessed with Volkswagens... This video was put up by Wagenwerks a few years ago and it made me proud to be a Dubhead. I mean... I can't even begin to describe the magic. Haha. Watch it. Love it.



I will own another very, very soon.

The end.

Simply Happy.

Tonight I went to Waffle House with Jamie for the second time in my life. The food there is not the bomb or anything but I will tell you ultimately my reason as to why I will continue to go into this place in particular.

Even though working there would be what we view as a "shit" job. The girls and guys that work in there genuinely have a great time. They love their lives and don't care about anything else in the world but what they have going on right at that very moment. Both times that I have been in there the staff is joking around with each other, joking and laughing with the customers. They know everyone by their name kind of place. I like that and I truly do want that.

I wish that I could one day just be that "Simply Happy" person. I am working on that slowly I think. Don't get me wrong... I definitely do not under any circumstances feel an urge to work in a Waffle House. I definitely did not go to Le Cordon Bleu to be a short order cook at a Waffle House. But seriously though, the Waffle House girls. They don't care what else is going on because they are "Simply Happy" girls.

I envy them...not because of the job but because they are "Simply Happy."


The end.

Quitting Smoking... Pure Torcher.

So I know it is really early to say this but I am amazing. I actually can say that I have quit smoking. It has now been an entire week of no smoking and I can tell you it was murderous.

The first day I was OK. I mean I didn't really have a craving for a cigarette until the second day. That day was the most horrific experience of my life. I really could not believe that I volunteered to do this to myself. I felt the way a meth addict must feel when they are coming down or a heroin addict. The craving was so intense that it actually woke me up at 12:30 at night from a dead sleep and I could not go back to sleep...I wanted to smoke that bad.

The third day didn't get any better. I started to itch really bad and I wanted to eat everything in site. So I have this thing now where I am going to eat two hard boiled eggs so that I am full whenever I decide I want to eat something.

I am now on my 7th day of not smoking and the cravings are slowing which is amazing. I thought this feeling of terrible was never actually going to go away. The night sweats.. jeez.

Still working on it. Can't give up now. I have put myself through misery getting this far.

The end.

What Makes Them A 10?

Today I had a conversation with a sweetie pie in my kitchen. You know the guy that all the girls just drool over and love him... and in this case even all the gay guys in the restaurant love him too. He is just a sweetheart to me and I love to have conversations with him because he is just hilarious.

So the topic of conversation today was really strange because I am not sure how we got on this topic. We ended up talking about how he ranks girls... oh, I think he mentioned that he was not a "Shallow Hal" and I said what does that mean? So he delightfully fills me in on his method to ranking girls. For those of us girls that are pretty and single, constantly wondering how come all of the hot boys end up with some crazy looking girls this could totally be why. Because when I tell you this friend of mine is a looker he is. But he definitely is not my type, just a sweet pie.

So he says that he really has dated mostly girls that fall into the 5-6 point range on a scale of 1-10 as far as looks go. Really?!? I thought most would be like an 8-9 but apparently I was wrong. He says that girls can actually gain points based on different factors. For example, the first example he gave me was if she had awesome teeth. Plus one. If she was nice. Plus one. And a few more came out and then he started getting ridiculous with the reasons that a girl could totally gain points but I was listening intently because I fully intend on writing a book about this entire conversation one day and selling it to desperate females in Barnes and Noble for $10.00.

So as we continue he says things like if a girl wears square glasses, nerdy = point value. If she shops and wears clothing from a thrift store because it is out of the ordinary. Point value. If her friends are awesome. Point value.

The funniest one was that he dated this girl that he absolutely hated with all of his might but she had cool parents. So she was a 9 because he never actually hung out with her... he went over to her house to hang out with her dad. Who freaking does that? Hi, I'm gonna date you so that I can secretly date your parents. What?!? Then he said if a girl has a thick broken English accent. Automatic points because when he argues with them they just sound stupid so he can laugh at them.

At this point in the conversation I am like... I love him to death but he is really an asshole. But I love the conversation because it will make me remember the signs to look for if I ever have the chance to encounter someone like him in my dating life. Also, at some moment in time I thought to myself... I have definitely settled for someone who was not a ten in my eyes. What I mean by that is for a girl it is a different scale. We do not always base our scales on looks so for those gentlemen who are reading this please don't let it give you a complex. I am sure that your girl loves you all the same plus or minus however many points.

We already know what my "Mr. Perfect" was like... but even he had flaws... hence the reason I am in Little Rock and he is still in Arizona. Just because you find the one that might fit your mold doesn't mean that you have to pull your hair out trying to get them to subdue. We could all be like this guy that I work with and plus or minus points based on stupid idioms like if he/she can do something neat like surf or play the clarinet. (Yes, one of those he mentioned.)

If you think about it hard enough...everyone you have ever dated was a 10 in your eyes at some point or another.


The end.

My Independence.

I was inspired by a blog that I read recently by my friend Sam. Sam's Cube: Independence Day

He wrote a blog about how he was going to break free of being dependent upon a little nasty habit that I share with him.

Starting tomorrow, that is going to be the same situation for me as well. But mine is going to have a little bit of a twist. For those of you who know me well you know that I have struggled with my weight for a long... LONG time. I have decided that instead of making one of those lame half-ass attempted New Year's resolutions that I was going to make an Independence Day movement for myself and my greater good.

I have actually lost quite a bit of weight in the last few months that I was in Scottsdale and I am pretty sure that was mainly due to stress from a certain pest that I had in my life but it really has made me see how much weight I have actually put on in the past six years and trust me boys and girls, it was a lot. For those of you who are wondering in the last few months I was in Scottsdale I lost a total of 45 lbs. I am not exactly sure how I did it but it just kind of melted away. I even got a few remarks at Culinary School about it when my buddies hadn't seen me in a while. I think the comment that my friend Kristen said was "Why hello skinny Rachel." That made me feel awesome but amazed at the same time. Was I really that big? Heck yeah I was.

So now my goal is to get back down to where I was when I moved to Arizona a few years ago which really isn't that big of a deal... but just know that I will be blogging about it hardcore in the next few months because well, I will be coming down from a nicotine high and I will be trying to shed about 60 lbs in the mean time. Yes, 60 lbs is a lot but I think that if I have lost 45 so far I am definitely able to do the rest that I want to get off.

So I can get back to this....

Here I go in about 3 hours.... I will officially be on my way to a New and Improved version of myself.


The end.

Dreaming Puppies...

I remember when Lola was a baby and she would dream...
She used to make the cutest puppy sounds when she was dreaming of terrorizing poor Pumpkin.

Now when she is sleeping I find myself wondering what about. Then she snores. All I keep thinking is where is the cute baby that I got for my birthday almost three years ago?

You know, I never actually thought of my dogs as having actual personality until I met her. She is just such a sweet dog and I could not be happier. Then I remember what happens when she sleeps. She dreams so hard that she actually runs in her sleep. She barks and cries and farts... oh my god the farting.



I actually started writing this because I do believe that the newest addition to Lola's personality is sleep walking. I have literally been sitting at the computer for a little while now doing some research on a compact SUV and I swear she got up while snoring and bumped into the wall and laid back down.

Under normal circumstances I would not be awake to see this in all its glory but... I did. I actually saw my dog sleep walk right into a wall.

Still I wonder what the hell she dreams about that makes her so animated while she sleeps. Because sometimes she is just a sweet dreamer.

The end.

Just Watched The Story Of My Life...For Real.

I was just watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo a few minutes ago and I can actually say my life was literally on TV. It was the episode where Theresa and her brother, Joe, are fighting. Which happens to be the same thing that happens my brother and I all the time. Something happens and her little brother decides he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I am thinking to myself no freaking way. That happens to me all the time. Instead of acting like an adult and wanting to talk it out he decides the best thing to do is to alienate me.

Well, now let me give you the scenario that really made my blood boil about this whole thing. There was a scene where Joe, his wife and some of his friends are sitting at a dinner table and Theresa comes up in the conversation. So all the women at the dinner table were talking crap about Theresa. Joe was allowing this to happen! That is what happens with me and my brother all the time! He allows people to say the meanest things about me and never has anything to say about it or he actually joins in and makes it a bash on Rachel fest.

If anyone ever said anything bad about my brother I would jump all over them because to me that is what family is supposed to do. People say blood is thicker than water and I believe that it is the exact opposite. People are so quick to try to fix things with their friends and work it out but so many people are faster at throwing their family under the bus and letting them get dragged through mud before they try to fix anything. Usually it is the older sibling who breaks down first and tries to fix what is going on. Never the younger one. But I am tired of doing that. I am tired of trying to fix my broken family.

As far as letting us duke it out... I am so proud of my mom for being that way at this point. She didn't try to listen to anything that was being said and my brother must have known that she is like that now because she had no idea that we were fighting until my dad called to ask her about it. She told me that it is between my brother and I and we need to work it out. I say the same thing. However, I am not even sure what the hell we are fighting about. I even tried calling him a few times to see what is wrong and he ignored my phone calls and text messages. I sent him texts multiple times because I thought that might be the non-invasive way of saying, "hey, what the hell is wrong?"

Anyway, the thing of it is that Teresa really has no idea what she and her brother are actually fighting about and well, neither do I. All I know is that I am sick of always being the bad guy and so is she.

At this point I am done playing the I am not talking to you game. If my brother wants to act like that I am going to let him. I am done... the only thing that hurts me is that besides the fact that I don't get to see my nephew hardly at all is that now I will never get to see him. My brother didn't even share anything about my nephew's first baseball game. I got nothing except what my dad shared with his friends on facebook.

Blood is truly not thicker than water. It is actually thinner. My brother is extremely good at proving that. At this point I don't care if he read this and gets his feelings hurt. He hurt mine and I am just one to write about it because I can never get a word in without getting my words twisted around.



The end.

What Is Your Pecking Order?

Ask yourself that. I mean seriously ask it. This question can be used in any type of situation that you might be in with one person or multiple people in your life.

Most people think of this as being a job related question. But what if it is put into a more everyday type of scenario. For example. What if you asked this about every one of your friends? Is there a pecking order? I mean naturally if you think about it there is a pecking order and you never actually realize this until you take a minute to re-assess what makes a person more valuable over another.

Average person's pecking order might be parents, siblings, significant other, best friend, friends then acquaintances. Or maybe you switch around significant other with siblings... or whatever order you choose there is a pecking order. Recently I have switched around my pecking order based on the values that I happen to see my relationships with other people.

My pecking order at the moment goes like this for beings in my life.... Dog, Sister & family, my mom, my best friends, my dad and my brother then my friends, then acquaintances. Everyone has a set value that can variate from time to time.

Also I believe your pecking order might consist of your life priorities or of inanimate objects depending on the person or the time or context that they are thinking of this question at the time.

Think about that...what is your pecking order? You might surprise yourself by taking a minute to think about it.

The end.

Arkansas Heat VS. Arizona Heat

Now I will tell you that based on the simple fact that I am an Arizona girl. I freaking love the sun. THE SUN...not the heat. For most people that have never been to Arizona the first stupid words that come flying out of their mouths about the heat there is "It's a dry heat." Listen home boy...so is your oven. It is still hot. So for those of my friends who live in Arizona I am sure you can appreciate where I come from with that statement.

Let me just say this....I will take Arizona heat over Arkansas heat any day....any time. I don't care if it is 126 out I still would rather be in Arizona heat. I kid you not when I was on the plane from Las Vegas to Little Rock and we started flying into Little Rock Airport you could feel the humidity coming into the pressurized cabin. I am so not making this up when I tell you that when we landed on the tarmac and the captain released the pressure in the cabin everyone simultaneously went and said...ewe.

I got off the plane and wanted to turn right back around and ask for a refund because this weather was definitely not in the brochure that I looked at online for Little Rock. I mean they show you like all the beautiful areas and not once did they mention that we live in a freaking sauna. When I say sauna I mean...the next day Jamie and I went to the gym and then when we were leaving I decided to skip the sauna because well I was going to walk into one when I left the building.

Now, I will tell you over the last few days that I have been in Little Rock I have been chit chatting with the MP's at the gate about this heat that I have moved too. Some of them say that stupid saying...dry heat blah, blah. Shut up. Then one guy... hilarious!!! The only black guy that I talked to about the heat with all seriousness looks at me and says... "I am cold."

WHAT?!? Are you serious?? I looked at him and I laughed and he in a more serious face looked at me and said... "I am from Africa. Ever heard of the phrase it is Africa hot??? Well, I know what Africa hot feels like and I am cold. Remember what I said now... Africa."

You have got to be kidding.

The end.

My New Nickname.

I finally got to meet the majority of my sister's friends last night at AppleBee's. I get it that place is completely lame but they like that kind of thing around here. There aren't very many hole in the wall type of bars, you know the ones that you and your friends go to all the time. For my friends and I at Google it was Skip & Jan's. My other friend's and I would go to Zipp's or to Ernie's we almost always ended up at Ernie's and we have shared a lot of amazing times together there.

Now when I met Travis and Georgie at culinary school almost two years ago they had to give me a nickname.. of course almost no one called me that. Thank god. It was Snookie. I mean really?? Snookie. You have got to be kidding me. And two years later my sister gets a puppy and names her Snookie? My life is a lie!

Back to the story. So I ended up talking to this guy named Corey who literally just moved here from Alaska like just a few months ago and had a serious tragic event take place just yesterday. This is a guy that had never had a Long Island Iced Tea until last night. I know what you are thinking but he explained to me that in Alaska there is literally one bar. One???? OMG I think I would be a very different person if that was the case for me. Actually I take that back I would be a very different person if that was the case because I definitely would not be the alcoholic that I have become. Ok, ok so I am not exactly and alcoholic...but sometimes I think that I could be right close.

Because of the simple fact that my ex is named Corey I have decided that I didn't want to call this guy that. I mean he seems like a sweet heart and why should I have to call him a name that I associate a jerk off with? So because it was a billion degrees and this guy was from Alaska and because this guy was pretty chill I decided his name was going to be Alaska. Pretty simple right? This guy named Corey would always be Alaska.

So rightfully so he fired back and called me Arizona. Which that one I don't mind. At least it isn't something stupid like Snookie. By the end of the night everyone at the table was calling me Arizona. So to Arkansanian's I am Arizona.

I think I like that. Arizona. I just might keep that nickname for a while. Well, as long as people call me that I will. Snookie didn't last long. So we shall see how long this one sticks. But I am pretty sure in the south people tend to keep their nicknames. Guess I got lucky it wasn't Bessy or something.


The end.

Good Deed Failed.

My last night in Tucson was kind of an interesting one. My brother and I stopped at Walgreens to get cigarettes and beer.

We milled around like most people do in a drug store because, lets face it... There is a lot of stuff to look at in the mini walmart. I mean by the time I walked out of there I had a key chain and another five items I probably didn't need. I even got to see someone who worked for me like four years ago. She really moved up in the world working at walgreens. But hey, its a job.

My brother ran into one of his many old lady girlfriends from the commissary. I swear if my brother ever really wanted to he could have a sugar mama no problem. They just love then some Andrew.

Anyway, back to my original story. So we walked outside and as we were getting in the car Kelly said that guy is homeless....with a dog. Should we give him money??? No because we don't know what he is going to do with the money. Kelly did make a valid point about the money thing though... She said, "What's the guy gonna do go start a savings account with the five dollars?"  Yeah, Kelly you are so right.

After about five minutes of contemplating... Andrew's sudden bowel movement was the deciding factor in us rushing away.  For those of you who know Andrew when he says he has to go he means like right now.

But for those of you who know me the best....you know I didn't really care about the homeless guy. I cared about the dog. Because really the dog didn't choose his life as the companion of a homeless man. But he suffers just the same if not worse than the guy who found himself in this situation.

Now for those of you who know dogs. They don't care what their situation is as long as someone is around that they can show unconditional love to. Dogs could care less if they were living in an alley or in the Taj Mahal. They just want to be with their "mama" or "daddy" because at the end of the day lets be honest a dog needs someone to take care of them. And people who have dogs need them to take care of them too. I know how much Lola and I depend on each other...it has surely killed me to be away from her for so long. Since she was moved to Little Rock Jamie tells me how much she looks for me too. Infact she said she was burying her face in my clothes like she was looking for me.

So when we got home Kelly and I made a quick decision to make up a care package for this homeless fellow and his dog.

We put about six cups of dog food in a ziploc bag. Made the guy two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a bottle of water, a can of beer... Yes, beer...every homeless guy needs a beer and of course a roll of toilet paper. Yes, I was the one who thought about toilet paper because if you are homeless...you still have to take a dump like everyone else. So why not? I don't know about you but if you have ever been in a situation where you couldn't wipe it is not going to be a good situation... For anyone.

Michelle and I rushed out of the house with the care package. We were so excited to be doing a great deed for someone who cared enough for a dog to be his homeless buddy. If I was homeless I would have definitely appreciated someone like us thinking about me and my dog.

So Michelle and I get back to the parking lot where I had originally seen the guy and his dog... This guy was gone like a ninja. I mean we were only gone for like five minutes. We drove all over the entire shopping center looking for this guy and his dog.

I am not talking like we just drove around the parking lot we drive behind all the stores around the Taco Bell and the Mcdonalds. We looked in the desert and near each dumpster. The guy was no where.

We even asked the girl that was working at Walgreens if she had seen him. The one girl said no. The girl inside said that the girl outside smoking had chased him off. WTF?!?

This guy wasn't bothering her or anyone and obviously he needed food for him or the dog otherwise in my experience homeless guys generally stay in the desert. Plus, we took our time making that care package. Then some jerk had to chase him away. She didn't know his situation and neither did we... Who is to judge?

Plus, how could she take that away from us?!?!?! Blah!! All that hard work and effort we slammed into that care package! Eff you Walgreens girl! You ruined my night!

Good deed was an epic fail. But remember this the next time you are mean to someone who is homeless. That could be you one day. Just imagine what it would be like if someone went out of their way not to give you money... but to give you only what you needed to survive.

All it takes is one random act of kindness and you can change someones entire life.

I think that it changes my life everytime.

The end.

Oh boy...

Why is it that when I am making a huge change in my life a wrench has to be thrown right in my path? For example... I met this amazing guy... I know what you're thinking. Don't. I don't need a speech that says but Rachel don't make decisions off of a guy. Don't worry. I am not staying in Scottsdale. But I am highly contemplating coming back depending on how things go in Little Rock. Really because I am going to miss my friends so bad.

But the one thing that I almost have always complained about is the quality of the men here in Arizona. They are either perfect and gay or almost perfect and a complete  asshole.

Now suddenly I meet a great one in the last two weeks. Really?!? I don't get it. The last one that I meet is the sweetest guy I think I have met in
a long time.

But here's the catch...he is not from Arizona and totally wants to bail out! How perfect is he??? A great looking guy who is my age. Who has the same outlook on a lot of things, sweet, charming, a good head on his shoulders...And to make matters worse he is not just good looking he is completely hot.  I feel like I am being punished here. And bonus! Everyone likes him because he is such a nice person.

My friends don't like anyone...but this guy, they liked him before I knew him.

Maybe I just have bad karma? I try my best to keep the karmic wheel spinning in the right direction but some how it always manages to bite me in the ass.

For all I know he might be thinking the same thing. Doubtful but I will never know because I am too chicken to ask.

I totallly dig him. But the show goes on. Who knows maybe this girl will come back to Scottsdale one day. But like I always say... One step at a time.

Start my consulting company first... Then get the rest of my life in order. Who knows what will happen in the future? One thing I know is now I definitely have a standard because I have met him.

How many girls can say they have met a guy that meets all of the items on their check list?

This girl can.

The end.

Facebook...or should we say Fuckbook?

Why is it that no matter what I put on my facebook someone always gets so upset. I mean seriously, it is my facebook for a reason. I have the right to say what I wish but mostly I choose what I say to not really make it easy for people to really figure out who I am talking about...then someone has to say "But everyone is going to know it is me..." You're kidding me right?

Facebook kills a lot of relationships because we take things way to seriously on it. No one cares if you are wiping your ass and you want to share it with the world. Good for you I say. Hope you use enough toilet paper to avoid getting shitty fingers.

Anyway, my point is you can never go through life worrying about what other people think of you who do not matter otherwise. It isn't healthy. My 400+ friends have no fucking clue on who you are...nor do they care.

I think facebook should be called fuckbook because it fucks up a lot of relationships and friendships. Don't get me wrong I will not stop using it.. Because lets face it. I am a facebook junky.

The end.

My Last Day as a Googler...

Well, today is officially my last day as someone who works for Google. I am excited and I am scared at the same time. My time spent here though will be an experience I will never forget.

From the day that I set foot through those front doors I knew this would help me determine the rest of my life. I have done many things and seen many things. But I think that the advertising world is where I belong. I have made many different contacts here and I am sad to leave them all. But I know that I have made the best decision for me at this point in my life. I need a fresh start in a new place where no one knows me but my sister.

I will miss my Google family...we are all one in literally a million that will ever get to see the inside of this place.


The end.

The closer I get...

The more mixed feelings I have. I am glad I am committed to leaving based on the fact that Lola is there. If it wasn't for me sending her there two months ago I am not sure I would leave. I have had too many good people walk into my life in the last few weeks.

There is Chris. He is pretty amazing... so far he is ummm everything I have looked for. Wish I would have met him a lot sooner.

Then there is Bev and Autumn. We are all amazing together when we hang out and I am super sad to leave those girls.

There is Levi who is my twin except a little taller than me and he is a dude. Plus he is super hot and that always makes for a fun time. Too bad he is married.

Then there is Monica known her a while but we never spoke until recently and I have really grown to love her.

Then of course my best friends... I think Travis may have cried the other day when Chris and I left the bar. He told me that no matter what I can always come home. Meaning no matter where he is I will be able to come home. That made me cry.

Then there is Bekah. Oh my gosh I loved that girl the second I met her. I am so glad that Travis found her. There is nothing more that can say describe how much I will value her as a friend for the rest of my life.

Out of everyone I am going to miss George the most. Every time I think about it I want to cry. From the beginning I knew he would be there for me and I would be there for him. He said to me it didn't matter  what the circumstance, that it would always be him and me. No one else and he stuck by that. Now there isn't anyone more important than he and I.

I wish I could stay long enough to make sure he would never get into trouble. He is my protector and I am his. My life will never be the same without him near me. I miss him already and I am not even gone.

Time for Change...

I have lived in Scottsdale for over a year now. I have made amazing friends and lost some amazing friends. I have gone to school and dropped out...well, put that part of my life on pause again. I was an unemployed student, a kitchen manager and now I work for Google! I have been used and abused. I have loved and been loved. I have laughed and cried. I have been to dinners with friends and made dinner for friends. I have partied and been hung over. Had birthdays and been to birthdays. Given gifts and received gifts. Moved from one house to another. Been sick and taken care of sick friends. Studied and failed. Watched amazing sports (go cats!) Watched bad sports...stupid Pats. Taken road trips and taken my car to the shop. Learned about how sometimes my parents actually are right. Watched my sister move away then talked to her everyday. My best friend finally moved back to Tucson when I moved away. Missed another best friends wedding. Learned how to be strong and stand up for myself. Leaned on and been leaned on.

The point is that in that small amount of time that I have been here in Scottsdale I have made some memories that will last me forever and some even better friendships. It is now my time to move on.

I am happy about the times that I have had here and sad to leave those memories behind. But it is now the time.

So here is to you many memories of mine. I will keep you forever in my heart.

Moving...

So I am getting ready to move across the country again. I don't want to say that I am scared but who am I kidding. I am petrified. I miss my dog. Yes. But I am getting ready to move to a place where I have no security blanket at all. I am just plain scared. There is no if ands or buts about it. I finally am starting to actually like Scottsdale and now I have to leave.

Well I chose it. So I guess ready or not here I come.

My neighbors...

Let me just say this first. I genuinely like children but the kids that live where I do...not so much. The slamming of the doors and the screaming outside of my apartment make me miss Tucson oddly. At least I didn't have kids who scream like some one is murdering them.